Why do we need a Singles Ministry anyway? Thoughts on Singleness and Wholeness. Part i

The church has always had an uneasy peace with Singles Ministries. Some churches treat them as an extension of the youth ministry and focus on retreats, programs, and dogma. This works to an extent. Many of us like to travel, go on mission trips, and learn more about God’s word. Those things should always be part of the components involved in a Singles Ministry. But when we think in terms of programming, we end up with titles such as “SAM” (Single Adult Ministry), “YAM” (Young Adult Ministry), or “GAP” (Graduates and Professionals). I was part of a “YAM” group and I have to admit I still like the “GAP” title it seems to describe the class a little bit more. But these titles are still programmatic functions and not organic descriptions.

Once a person reaches adulthood and does not marry, he or she develops a way of behaving which is very independent and self-organized. To try to place that person into a class or program is sometimes difficult to do. My story is perhaps different from many but I fell into the program and then stopped pursuing the next step.

I reached a point in my life where I was no longer taking risks in my relationships nor in my professional life. Look at just about any Will Ferrell movie and it will describe this condition that men get into when we fail to take on a challenge and do something risky. We tend to be perpetually part of a fraternity with nothing but the next party to plan.

That’s why many people would say to me when I was single, “All you need to do is get married. Then you’ll have some responsibility and will get your life together. I can remember people saying to me in another church, “Why do we need a Single Adult ministry anyway? We need to start a ‘how-to-get-married ministry’ and let that fix the problem of the single person.” I think this person was serious.

Apparently, this is the logic of many churches. Some churches I hear are abandoning a Singles Ministry altogether. Sure, they have some small groups which put some single people together and loosely manage those groups into the bigger whole of the church hierarchy, but there is no cohesive focus on making that group a part of the larger church organism. Nor are they focusing on the issues which make a person single. There are people, like myself, who were single because they were indeed waiting on the right one, those who were single because someone else made a different choice and they were either never married or single-again because of another person’s actions.

Marriage does not “fix” singleness. Hear me clearly: putting two single people together who have not learned how to be whole, while single, will never be whole, though married.

Singleness, Introduction

Since being named the Minister to Singles at FBCT, I have taken quite a bit of time to think (or rethink) my days of singleness. I was single until I was 30 and had developed quite a few opinions about the situation and what God wanted of us as single people. I have been married now for almost 13 years and have two children. So I am sure my memories of those days and my opinions shaped from my situation have been either lost or corrupted. But over the next few days, I want to rethink, rehash, and reconstruct what I believe about being single, married, and living in community. What do these things mean and what am I supposed to do to lead, help, and minister to those who are single? Anyway, I am going to try to think about these things and I pray for God's help as I do....

Jacob's Mishaps and Mission

This post is sort of thinking through Genesis 37-50.

It is easy to think of Jacob as a deceiver, theif, coniver, and polygamist. And he was all those things. But he was also Israel. It is interesting to me that he had some issues but then raised a man like Joseph. Joseph was 17 when he was sold into slavery and all he had to go on was what his father had taught him. It's amazing to think that the man who struggled so many years to rely upon God raised a son like Joseph. His brothers struggled and really did not turn out so well. It makes me wonder if perhaps God had to take Joseph away from his home and put him in the pressure cooker so that he could become the leader he was. I don't know. But the longer I am a Dad, the more gracious I am toward Jacob. I am certainly no better than he and need God's grace just as much (if not more) than did Jacob. Joseph's story gives me hope that maybe in spite of my failures as a father, God will make something of my children.

The Miracle of Prayer

This is in reference to Matthew 6:5-15. Click on this link to read the passage: http://www.biblegateway.com/passage/?book_id=47&chapter=6&version=31&context=chapter

A couple of days ago I was asked to lead prayer in our meeting at church and when I began to pray I felt a unique sense of God's presence that morning. I was concerned about a couple of individuals in our group and prayed for them accordingly. The thought hit me that when I prayed that morning I was not simply making an appeal to God for something to happen. God placed upon me the desire to pray for the person who was present. The prayer was for them and their encouragement as much as it was for God to act and work. Too many times I have the perspective that God is distant and uninvolved. Therefore, I must get on my knees, fast, cry, pray, plead, pull, and beg to get God's attention so that maybe he would stop what he is doing and pay attention to me or my needs (or those of someone else). Fasting, crying, and begging are part of our spiritual lives and need to be done. But they are done with the view that I am limiting myself in recognition of God's greatness, not as a way to gain divine attention.

God is our Father in heaven. He is working to bring into effect his will on this earth. And he will accomplish it. God is not the detached, ex-officio member of the human race. In his immanence - his presence – he became a part of the human condition and breathes with us as we breathe. So that when I pray as I did that morning I was not praying out of my own superior understanding of my friends. I was praying out of the concern and intervention of God who prompted me to pray as I did and love as I did. This indeed was not me but God.

This is not to elevate myself to some sort of superior spiritual condition. God made the decision to intervene in a way that morning on the behalf of another. If someone else stood in that place I think they too would have been moved to pray for those individuals and pray for them with passion. Make no mistake about it: Prayer is not my seeing a need and bringing God along to the meeting of that need. Prayer is God intervening in our lives to complete his glory and our good. That is the miracle of prayer.

Snapshots and Movies

Identify these famous movie lines:

• Luke, I am your father.
• Rosebud.
• I won’t think about that today. I will think about that tomorrow. After all, tomorrow is another day!
• The one ring to rule them all.
• Play it once, Sam. For old times' sake.
• And dying in your beds, many years from now, would you be willin' to trade ALL the days, from this day to that, for one chance, just one chance, to come back here and tell our enemies that they may take our lives, but they'll never take... OUR FREEDOM!

Answers:

• Star Wars: The Return of the Jedi
• Citizen Kane
• Gone with the Wind
• The Lord of the Rings I
• Casablanca
• Braveheart

Did your church or school ever rent movies and show them in the gymnasium? Our church would do that sometimes. Of course this was in the days of the dinosaur when you actually needed a 35mm projector. The movies came in the big reels and someone would drape a large bed sheet on one end of the wall. The movie was loaded and threaded, popcorn was popped, lights were dimmed, the projector clicked away, and cinema heaven began.

Once while Herbie Rides Again was playing, the project motor stopped and the light on the film kept going. This was a bad thing because the heat from the bulb burned through the movie film. Celluloid freakishly burned on the bed sheet and then it would fall or pull away. It was really weird to watch Herbie burn into a rainbow of colors right before your eyes!

Funny how we remember images like that isn’t it? Life is like that. When something bad happens, an image is burned onto our subconscious so that the smell of the burning celluloid, the image of the looks on worried faces, and the collective “ohh man” from the crowd forever clings to your little gray cells in your brain.

We tend to carry around these snapshots of ourselves and others to further cement those memories into our lives. The unthinkable happens – your spouse divorces you, the kids rebel, your boss turns on you, and suddenly the film stops and the image of that moment is burned into the minds of yourself and those around you.

Some of us never work on repairing that film. We carry around snapshots to remind us of “the good ol’ days” before our trauma (and of the trauma itself) and try to relive the memories of by-gone movies, popcorn, and a life that seemed oh so much better.

But God – remember those words – but God – does not carry around snapshots. He is the grand Movie Director who will come back and tape back together the movie and restart the film. Yes, there is permanently a scar on the reel. Yes, there is a blip in the movie and the scenes are somewhat disjointedly arranged. But the movie plays on.

Read what our brother Paul said about these things in Ephesians 2:4-10

But God, being rich in mercy, because of the great love with which he loved
us, even when we were dead in our trespasses, made us alive together with
Christ- by grace you have been saved- and raised us up with him and seated us
with him in the heavenly places in Christ Jesus, so that in the coming ages he
might show the immeasurable riches of his grace in kindness toward us in Christ
Jesus. For by grace you have been saved through faith. And this is not
your own doing; it is the gift of God, not a result of works, so that no one may
boast. For we are his workmanship, created in Christ Jesus for good works,
which God prepared beforehand, that we should walk in them.

Do you see that? We are His workmanship. The movie is complete. God has already prepared it and we are made for good works to walk in Him.

Put away the pictures and get some help to tape together the film. Restart your life’s “projector” by the grace of our Lord Jesus Christ. He is not finished with you….