Why do we need a Singles Ministry anyway? Thoughts on Singleness and Wholeness. Part i

The church has always had an uneasy peace with Singles Ministries. Some churches treat them as an extension of the youth ministry and focus on retreats, programs, and dogma. This works to an extent. Many of us like to travel, go on mission trips, and learn more about God’s word. Those things should always be part of the components involved in a Singles Ministry. But when we think in terms of programming, we end up with titles such as “SAM” (Single Adult Ministry), “YAM” (Young Adult Ministry), or “GAP” (Graduates and Professionals). I was part of a “YAM” group and I have to admit I still like the “GAP” title it seems to describe the class a little bit more. But these titles are still programmatic functions and not organic descriptions.

Once a person reaches adulthood and does not marry, he or she develops a way of behaving which is very independent and self-organized. To try to place that person into a class or program is sometimes difficult to do. My story is perhaps different from many but I fell into the program and then stopped pursuing the next step.

I reached a point in my life where I was no longer taking risks in my relationships nor in my professional life. Look at just about any Will Ferrell movie and it will describe this condition that men get into when we fail to take on a challenge and do something risky. We tend to be perpetually part of a fraternity with nothing but the next party to plan.

That’s why many people would say to me when I was single, “All you need to do is get married. Then you’ll have some responsibility and will get your life together. I can remember people saying to me in another church, “Why do we need a Single Adult ministry anyway? We need to start a ‘how-to-get-married ministry’ and let that fix the problem of the single person.” I think this person was serious.

Apparently, this is the logic of many churches. Some churches I hear are abandoning a Singles Ministry altogether. Sure, they have some small groups which put some single people together and loosely manage those groups into the bigger whole of the church hierarchy, but there is no cohesive focus on making that group a part of the larger church organism. Nor are they focusing on the issues which make a person single. There are people, like myself, who were single because they were indeed waiting on the right one, those who were single because someone else made a different choice and they were either never married or single-again because of another person’s actions.

Marriage does not “fix” singleness. Hear me clearly: putting two single people together who have not learned how to be whole, while single, will never be whole, though married.